I don’t really have the words for the kind of progress and changes I have made in my life recently. For so long, everything the world threw at me was a block. All I could think was it is useless so why even try. Or even when I try something happens, things don’t work out and I go backwards more often then I move forward.
My mental health was terrible. My heart was in a state of torment and every little thing became a dead forest growing in my mind. I could not give myself to my words because my mind was not ok. I wasn’t happy. Even now my mental health is rocky at times, but the point here is that instead of letting my thoughts win over I am giving myself to action.
I started writing my first draft of my current fantasy WIP on May 31st of this year with 6,000 words having already been written. (I had tried creating a different first draft, but I changed a whole bunch of stuff and rebooted it). Today on July 8th, 2018 about a month and a week later i have 20,000 words and a hold on my story that I never thought I would have.
For the first time in my life I sit and think to myself “yeah I think I can do this”. On May 31st I gave myself 3 months to write my first draft and in the first month I wrote more then I ever had and even though I feel a little behind (especially because I had very sucky days during that time where I didn’t write at all) I also feel like what I want to achieve is possible.
The weird thing is that at 20,000 words I still feel like my story has just begun. I realized that 50k is probably not going to be anywhere really close to the amount of words this novel will eventually have and that’s ok. I also learned that (at least for fantasy) I am an extreme underwriter with a lot of scenes needing more description and fleshing out to feel truly right.
I created a character who has gone through her life like I have and sees her mistakes as mental blocks and feels a bit empty, yet still tries and I made her personal to me. I came up with a new p.o.v with a character born with good intention, but goes bad after seeing far too many bad things and giving into it out of a different sort of good intention. I have a friend character who is funny, but sometimes goes a little bit to far, but only to lighten up hard situations. The characters in this book are so unique and different in my head and I love them all for different reasons.
I never thought I would write a book I wanted to read so badly. The fact that it came from the simple concept of having a soulmate book where the couple wasn’t actually awful to each other and had a healthy relationship is incredible to me. What stemmed from that is so much more then that. It’s magical, sad, hopeful, and at times… tragic (also has cool pets). It isn’t perfect. I don’t even think that it is good yet, but I can see what it could be.
I don’t know where the story will be a month from now. I don’t know how it will evolve. All I know is that the me that thought I could never write a fantasy novel is happy to realize that it was always possible. The me that couldn’t help writing contemporary scenes is happy that I decided that the first real try at a novel was for a fantasy. I’m not sure that if I wrote a contemporary first if I would have ever found the confidence to go for a fantasy, but now I feel like I could write for all the genres I love and that all those stories will be written.
I hope I never loose the excitement for stories that I feel right now. I love my characters. I love them and I let them live through terror and hurt, but I always.. always give them hope. The stories I love don’t stray from life’s ugly moments and my books won’t either. But in life there is beauty too and so I won’t forget to give happiness along the way.
I hope that as time moves forward that my writing only gets better. That I only tell stories that I would give 5 stars to. Right now, my fantasy is at a 3 star, but has 5 star potential. I am going to keep shining out my story till it is the best that it can be.
Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.
-Till next time!