A long time ago I talked about my dad being very sick. I haven’t mentioned it in a long time mostly dealing with it on my own, but the other night and yesterday afternoon my dad had two episodes that seemed to indicate new mini strokes. I don’t know for sure if that is exactly what it was he didn’t want to be taken to the hospital, but it reminded me all the same that my time on this earth with my dad is limited.

I don’t know how much time I have left with my dad, but I know I want to make the best of it. I know there are certain parts of my life he will never experience by my side. However, one thing I hope he does experience is me writing a book and seeing if I can get it published. My dad is a big part of why I love stories and it’s funny too because he doesn’t like books. Growing up he used to tell me all these fantastic stories.

The other love he taught me was for animals. Especially for insects and among them most importantly to have a love and respect for bees. So, I really want to write and dedicate my bee book idea to my dad.

I know my dad will most likely never read it. He’s blind in one eye and further loosing vision in the other due to his strokes. He never had much patience for reading, but I want him to know that I wrote something for him. Inspired by the love he passed down to me.

Yesterday when I got home from work he talked to me and called me his Angel. That morning he had told me to think positive. So as hard as that is for me I will try. I will put my dad energy into doing something that will make him proud. At the very least have a first draft I can print out and put into his hands. So he would know how much his love has always meant to me.

I love my dad so much. I know cancer and the strokes have changed him so much, but nothing has ever changed his love for me. Even when he’s mad at my mom or wanting someone or something to blame for his illness when I come into the room he still treats me like his little girl.

I know my dad wants me always to remain strong. To always think positive no matter what and to pursue my dreams. So that’s exactly what I’ll do for the rest of my life. During my time on earth with him and during the time he passes on and I will carry him living inside my heart forever more.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Writing this brought me to tears, but it also helped me feel a sense of resolve. My one wish is that this post inspires those reading to be there for their loved ones now and to think positive. Thank you all for being here.

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Places to donate to Trans communities:

Trans Equality 

The Trevor Project

Transgender Law Center 

Some BLM resources:

Link to bail funds to donate to!

Link to petitions to sign! 

Link to a video to watch if you can’t donate!

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