Why I Haven’t Been Blogging

A long time ago now, when I first started blogging, I used to blog practically everyday. I read like my life depended on it and I never let myself miss days. Then life happened and I stopped for a while and I’d restart over and over and over again and it’d be ok for a while, but it wouldn’t last. I haven’t gotten myself to make it stick.

In the meantime I’ve gotten myself so far behind as far as books to read and review and posts to create that a lot of the time it feels impossible when I try to come back.

In March in particular, I started college again. I am study to be a pharmacy technician and eventually to become a full pharmacist. I need a better job and the ability to increase my income for my family. Along with the heavy class workload im still working as many hours as I was before and honestly, I’ve just felt myself get exhausted and all I’ll want to do is watch a movie or YouTube or play Fortnite with my friends at the end of the day.

I’ve gotten pretty overwhelmed with life. I want to read and write and blog too, but I can’t seem to get into the mind frame I need to continue and it breaks my heart.

However, last night, I had a particularly awful night and my dad has deteriorated further and it causes him to yell and be angry a lot of the time. I’d just finished watching ‘The Killing of a Sacred Deer’ which had already put me into a weird mindset and then I helped my sister put my dog into her harness and she bit me (it was my fault not the dogs). I felt this odd sense of going through motions and feeling the solid ground of life crumbling beneath me.

At this point I’d started to cry and I’d texted my partner all that had happened. Then, they started talking to me about this story they’d come up with a long time ago. It was about a hero who felt burdened by his power. His power that was so unique and special yet so fragile. A power that temporarily relieved ailments in a marble and the bigger the ailment the more fragile the marble. As I asked them for more details about it I felt myself calm down. Then, I’d said “You know I need a bit of that right now.” And they told me that my situation is what inspired this in the first place.

I was floored. I felt seen and loved and stunned when they told me that they’d come up with it a few months into us dating and hadn’t told me about it till now. It made me appreciate them for the person they were. It also made me want to write again. It reminded me of that feeling of discovering how a story is created bit by bit. It also made me feel that my partner is and always has been perfect for me.

My life has been in a lot of turmoil the past couple of years. I’ve had Abdiel by my side for over 2 years and they’ve given me a peace and a hope during all the crap I’ve been given for all of that time.

When I talk to them I realize that I can focus so heavily on the pain that sometimes I miss the joy that is standing right there in front of me. Abdiel who thought up a character that’d give me a short bit of relief from the life I live. That would give me a moment of joy. That is one of the purest forms of love I’ve ever felt in my life.

I want to blog again. I want to write stories again. To give others that feeling my partner gave to me in such a beautiful way. Things in life have been messy and it’s not really going to get any better. However, I can chose to give myself time for my passion and to give myself and others that temporary relief in life, because sometimes that’s all we’re really needing and searching for.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Check out my INSTAGRAM and TWITTER

Check out THE SISTERS OF TWILIGHT WEBSITE.

If you would like to support me directly here’s a link to BUY ME A KOFI! 

My friend started Live Streaming so check them out HERE!! 

Places to donate to Trans communities:

Trans Equality 

The Trevor Project

Transgender Law Center 

Some BLM resources:

Link to bail funds to donate to!

Link to petitions to sign! 

Link to a video to watch if you can’t donate!

Getting into Shape

One of the things I’ve put to the side a lot lately has been exercise. Last time I weighed myself I weighed more then I ever have and as someone who likes being active and feeling my body move it’s been a point that causes an amount of sadness for me.

I have quite a few reasons that I want to get back to exercising, but the one that gives me the most passionate motivation is cosplay. I told myself that next year for Halloween I want to buy myself a really nice Harley Quinn cosplay.

I’m obsessed with this kill the justice league version of Harley cosplay. I’m in love with it. The jacket especially is my favorite part and I’ll definitely wear it weather or not I am wearing the whole cosplay. It’s stunning and I know I’ll feel so badass in it.

For me this is a start of exploring something I’ve always loved which is dressing up as my favorite characters. When I was small it was the Disney princesses. Now it’s Genshin Impact characters and Marvel and DC characters. For me being physically in shape and feeling stronger and more flexible will make me feel all the more like those characters I admire.

So starting tonight I’ll be doing regular exercise and getting into shape. I thought I’d start with a two week Chole Ting program with added breaks if need be for long work days and going from there.

I’m really excited about this and I can’t wait to share with all of you my progress and any cosplays I do in the future!

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Check out my INSTAGRAM and TWITTER

Check out THE SISTERS OF TWILIGHT WEBSITE.

If you would like to support me directly here’s a link to BUY ME A KOFI! 

My friend started Live Streaming so check them out HERE!! 

Places to donate to Trans communities:

Trans Equality 

The Trevor Project

Transgender Law Center 

Some BLM resources:

Link to bail funds to donate to!

Link to petitions to sign! 

Link to a video to watch if you can’t donate!

Doing Instead of Fearing

The past few weeks in particular have been a lot for me. In a way that’s both very anxiety inducing, but also contrasted by times that were full of joy and love. I know I get caught up often in how hard things are. Life recently has been a lot of slaps in the face, but also in spite of that I’ve chosen to feel the joy of life too and it’s helped so much.

Two weeks ago my sister was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, pre-diabetic, and they found extra blood platelets in her blood relating to something with her bone marrow that they are still testing and figuring out. Last week, our car breaks sounded awful and we had to take them in to be fixed. We still need the back breaks fixed but we have to wait.

Speaking of if you wish to support me and my family while also getting some awesome, delicious smelling candles order at: https://www.etsy.com/shop/SistersOfTwilight

However, this past week was also really great too. I went ice skating with my friends like we’ve had planned for weeks. My boyfriend sadly didn’t make it on the ice very long, but he said that he was happy to support from the sidelines. His offer to have us do this again and he could just watch me enjoy myself was so adorable and he’s the sweetest. After we played a game of munchkins and my best friend Marble won which was perfect, because she fell and injured herself on the ice.

The next day my aunts came down to visit with my mom, my sister, and I. It was really nice. I always love hearing the stories that are never usually told around the house.

All of that got me thinking. I’ve been afraid to be productive and pursue my passions because I feel like I’ve been waiting for things to blow up. Knowing my family’s health isn’t great. Knowing that the job climate right now is so rocky. That my wrists are injured and I have to keep going and not say anything anymore so I can keep my job. Knowing that our dog Gypsy is getting on in age and her legs are now really weak and she’s always breathing hard when she gets excited.

The anxiety of knowing I’m walking up to the top of a mountain and at some point things are going to start falling off the edge of it and I know I’m not mentally ready for it all to drop. Yet, I’m still living and I have these wonderful friends that have treated me better then any friends I’ve had my whole life. I have a boyfriend that has been the biggest support and the fuel for so much laughter and peace when I need it most. My relationship with my mom and my sister has been better then it has been in a long while. We are hopeful.

So with that hope I want to put my best foot forward. I want to start to write again. To read again. To not live in fear because things are going to fall apart. Because it is going to happen. There’s no doubt. My dad is terminally ill. My mom is getting older and my sister has some unknowns in her health that could be serious issues. I don’t know how much time I have left with my family. That’s the knowing I face everyday that makes me afraid.

But I know that they all want to see me do well. I know my dad wants me to stay positive. I know my mom has been pushing me to write for so long and she wants to see me published. I know my sister wants our candle business to continue to do better. We all want to be happy. We all want each other to be happy. I’m tired of holding back.

So I won’t. When things get hard I’ll take the time I need off then, but for now I want to make a start. I want to live. So I will. You all will be hearing from me again very soon.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Check out my INSTAGRAM and TWITTER

Check out THE SISTERS OF TWILIGHT WEBSITE.

If you would like to support me directly here’s a link to BUY ME A KOFI! 

My friend started Live Streaming so check them out HERE!! 

Places to donate to Trans communities:

Trans Equality 

The Trevor Project

Transgender Law Center 

Some BLM resources:

Link to bail funds to donate to!

Link to petitions to sign! 

Link to a video to watch if you can’t donate!

My Blog is Now Monetized 🎉

Yesterday afternoon I decided to upgrade my site and join WordPress Ads! I have been blogging for years without being monetized and finally I’m opening the door to start getting paid for my passion.

Of course, this is only the first step towards starting to get paid for my blog. I will be looking into other avenues as time passes as well. Prior WordPress was always putting ads on my blog posts that I wasn’t getting paid for. So now, I’ll be getting a bit of income myself for all the work I do blogging.

From there I also want to explore more what having an upgraded site means and what it’ll offer me in the future. I’m excited to spend time and see if I can redesign my blog a bit and add things to it over the course of this next year.

Who knows? Maybe I can start to make a real source of extra income from doing what I’ve always loved to do.

One of the main reasons I did this is because I’m working with an injury that needs to be healed. If I can manage to make extra enough maybe it’ll be possible for me to take time off of work and be able to rest my wrists so they can make a full recovery.

The other reason was it’s about time. I love writing about books and being a part of the WordPress community. It was about time I started to make a bit of income from it.

If anyone has any advice for me about monetizing a blog or any resources I should look into let me know down in the comments! Also, if you all have any information about Word Ads and how well it’s worked for you, let me know in the comments as well.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!

Check out my Instagram and Twitter!

Check out the Sisters of Twilight website.

If you would like to support me directly here’s a link to buy me a Kofi!

My friend started Live Streaming so check them out HERE!!

Places to donate to Trans communities:

Trans Equality 

The Trevor Project

Transgender Law Center 

Some BLM resources: 

Link to bail funds to donate to!

Link to petitions to sign! 

Link to a video to watch if you can’t donate!

Watching: Gunpowder Milkshake

It was pulling me to watch this film with every part of my being so, I let myself enjoy it and I absolutely adored it.

This film was funny a good bit gorey and a whole lot of fun. I loved the imagery of it. The neon and the milkshakes themselves really stood out. The diner-esque set ups that weren’t just the diner itself. The dentist hospital with the very neon feel. The gorgeous library that had some of the most beautiful themed rooms.

Every single fight was absolutely 100% unique. The curiosity became how would Sam kill next? She was someone you couldn’t look away from and the way she fought was so different based on the situation presented to her. Everything was made to be a weapon. Weather that be a gun, a milkshake, a bowling ball case, or a car. There was no thing that wouldn’t be utilized by Sam.

The story too was so much fun. She’s an assassin taking care of a little girl who is the daughter of a man she kills. All of it is so lovely. The connection she makes to her. The connection that Sam’s mom broke when Sam was young. How it all connects and comes together at the end.

I loved this movie. I was smiling and excited and so curious at every moment. I loved Emily the little girl Sam protects and how brave she was and how she declares herself as an apprentice.

This movie is so fluid and so cool. Almost like watching a dance routine. Definitely a lot of the fights felt that way. It was so awesome to watch!

All in all, there’s not much more I can say, but that I felt so happy watching this movie. I didn’t stop smiling and I had a blast. It’s a glorious bit of fun.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Places to donate to Trans communities:

Trans Equality 

The Trevor Project

Transgender Law Center 

Some BLM resources: 

Link to bail funds to donate to!

Link to petitions to sign! 

Link to a video to watch if you can’t donate!

My friend started Live Streaming so check them out HERE!! 

Check out my Instagram and Twitter

ICheck out the Sisters of Twilight website.

Experiment: Is it Possible for me to Post Everyday?

I have tried this experiment without directly saying I was doing this experiment on several occasions before and pretty recently too. Ultimately exhaustion and emotional turmoil in my personal life have been what kept me away from being able to actually post on a daily basis.

I keep trying because I’m curious about two things. 1. What would my stat growth look like posting daily for a year? And 2. What kinds of things would end up happening and becoming available for me to do in life after deciding to post on a daily basis?

Blogging in general has opened so many doors for me in my life. I have gained so many opportunities and friendships and had conversations with authors directly in a way I never would have had otherwise. Blogging is an amazing experience.

I remember how wide eyed and excited I was when I first started blogging. Getting my first few followers and deciding I wanted to do this all the time and joining Netgalley and doing so many tags and completely enjoying the experience.

What I didn’t expect was eventually life itself would have me take a step back to the point that I had forgotten what it was to enjoy this part of my life. The insatiable reader who kept going at it and loving stories and wanting so badly to give birth to a story of her own.

I have missed this. So here I am. I am back. I have a new plan. I might write the posts daily and I might write extras on my days off. Whatever the case I’ll have a consistent daily upload time. 1 pm everyday. It feels like a good idea to me to be able to schedule my posts and it be consistent. I’m so used to doing it whenever I finish writing a post.

Also I’ll be taking my stats from before this starts and at the end of the year to see the change and how much I’ve grown and who knows maybe this will be a thing for years to come?

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Places to donate to Trans communities:

Trans Equality 

The Trevor Project

Transgender Law Center 

Some BLM resources: 

Link to bail funds to donate to!

Link to petitions to sign! 

Link to a video to watch if you can’t donate!

My friend started Live Streaming so check them out HERE!! 

Check out my Instagram and Twitter

Check out the Sisters of Twilight website.

Finishing A First Draft Before the End of the Year

This is my declaration that I will write the first draft of a novel before the end of the year. I have the idea and I have a bit of fun research to do before writing certain elements of the novel, but the bare bones are there.

The best part is that I’m giving myself enough time to write in bite sized pieces and not stress myself out trying to get it done too quickly. All I need is a bit over 300 words everyday and I’ll have a draft done by the end of the year. I’m certain some days I’ll write a good bit more then that and others I’ll give myself a break to do other things, but I have a plan!

The book I will be writing will be a magical realism about a girl with a unique connection to bees. So studying about bee life will be important to the story.

One of these days I think I’m going to sit down and draw this girl in the image I had of her that sparked the idea for this story. I’ve always adored magical realism and to write something so unique and ethereal like this is going to be a blast!

Everyday, at the bottom of my blog post I’ll update how much I wrote towards this novel the previous day and the total word count along with it. It’ll be good to keep track and also to keep accountable over the course of me writing this.

For now I’m excited! I can’t wait to get started on this novel!

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Places to donate to Trans communities:

Trans Equality 

The Trevor Project

Transgender Law Center 

Some BLM resources: 

Link to bail funds to donate to!

Link to petitions to sign! 

Link to a video to watch if you can’t donate!

My friend started Live Streaming so check them out HERE!! 

Check out my Instagram and Twitter

Check out the Sisters of Twilight website.

Inspiration from Old Places

Randomly I was having a conversation with my boyfriend and Wattpad came up. It was a site I used to read so many books on, but also it is the place where I wrote my first ever book. It is short and bite sized and it is called “Confessions of a Teenage Writer”

I wrote this while hoping to finish at least one other draft of a novel. Yet, this became the first thing I ever finished and I’ve only finished one other draft of something since.

Looking back and reading the comments on this book made me want to sob. I hadn’t really looked at this book or anything on Wattpad since 2016. Yet, when I wrote it I realized I had effected others. I had accomplished what I had wanted to do so badly and so early on.

People had connected with my work. They had thought it beautiful. They’d encouraged me to keep writing, but in their eyes I already was a writer. The titles I have not thought I could claim for myself in recent years, but I am both writer and author. Again I feel the tears come.

Lately, I have been able to start the process of writing again. Currently, my project is in the idea phase. I truly don’t know much about it and it’s come in bits and pieces. Lately, everything in my life has felt like a gentle stream nudging me back to the passion I have had for so many years, to write.

For a single day at my work there was a young girl that came and of all things she wanted to be a writer. She worked for a day only. Yet, listening to her. Hearing how she hadn’t finished anything because she had all these ideas in her head and couldn’t commit to one I felt so inspired and nostalgic for who I was when I first began writing. It felt electrifying to remember and to understand that this was me coming back home to myself.

It’s felt like the universe has been telling me it’s ok. It’s ok that I needed the time I did, but the time is right now. It’ll be ok.

For now, my toes feel like they are dipping in this water. Preparing for the way I will wish to go. Where I will begin.

So, I have begun here. Waking up at 5:30 in the morning to write blog posts. I’ve started reading again. Started to think about an idea and build it out. All these things will soon build out and eventually I will be flowing in this gentle river until I make small stops on my journey when I finish the first draft, when I’m editing, when I’m hoping to see if there’s a home in publishing for my story, and again starting a whole new idea.

I am here. I am ready. I am inspired and hopeful. The best yet I am smiling. I appreciate so much the younger version of me who went for writing so head on and with such passion. Who read books every single day and couldn’t imagine she’d breath well in a day without at least ingesting a single chapter. Turns out for the most part it became true. I haven’t been able to come back to myself for so long. Now is the time. I want to shout that. Now is the time!

This feels so wonderful.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Places to donate to Trans communities:

Trans Equality 

The Trevor Project

Transgender Law Center 

Some BLM resources:

Link to bail funds to donate to!

Link to petitions to sign! 

Link to a video to watch if you can’t donate!

My friend started Live Streaming so check them out HERE!! 

Check out my Instagram and Twitter

Check out the Sisters of Twilight website.

A Retry of An Old Routine

Hello everyone!

Right now for me it is almost 6 am. I woke up at 5:30 this morning and it’s the first time I’ve done so in well over a year. Once upon a time, this was how I was able to complete all my goals for the day and be able to nap later on and have a few hours of pure enjoyment in the nighttime!

When I wake up like this I always get my writing done. Later on in the day it’s easy for me to feel exhausted after work and say it’s time to relax and I don’t blame myself. It is the time to allow myself some peace. So the solution is to wake up earlier.

From now on, I should be able to post far more often, even daily. This blog was always meant to have very frequent posts and while for a while I needed to let myself be, it’s time to come back to my passions.

So that’s why even though it’s earlier then I’ve gotten up in ages and I should be sleepy right now, I am excited. I am smiling. I am ready to go after my dreams.

Thank you all for coming along this journey with me! It’s going to be wonderful every step of the way.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Places to donate to Trans communities:

Trans Equality 

The Trevor Project

Transgender Law Center 

Some BLM resources: 

Link to bail funds to donate to!

Link to petitions to sign! 

Link to a video to watch if you can’t donate!

My friend started Live Streaming so check them out HERE!! 

Check out my Instagram and Twitter!

Check out the Sisters of Twilight website.

Plans for June 2021

I feel like I am in a place where I can take back my life and move forward in a way where I end each day incredibly proud of myself. I feel like I have moved past the most recent period of exhaustion. I have some really awesome goals for June and I know I have the means to do really well with it all.

My Most Important Goal

Studying and getting the written exam done for my drivers license. I have been thinking about getting my drivers license for a long while and I’ve put it off a lot, but I think its time to sit down and do it. So everyday I have the chance I will sit down and study for it with my sister. Then, when we both feel confident apply for our license and go take the test.

Reading Goals

There’s quite a few books I’ve been meaning to read for a good long while. A lot of them are physical books that I own and then a lot of the others are for Netgalley.

Physical books

Horns by Joe Hill (I just want to read this in bite sizes a chapter here and there. If I read four or five more chapters of it in June I will be happy)

The Miseducation of Cameron Post by Emily M. Danforth (same as Horns I want to read a chapter here and there its sad for me and so I read it sparingly)

Always and Forever Lara Jean by Jenny Han (The movie has been out for a while so I want to read the book soon and watch the movie as I’ve done for all the previous books)

Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo (same as the previous I want to read the book and watch the show)

A Deadly Education by Naomi Novik and Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik (My boyfriend got these two books for me on separate occasions through a blind date with a book at Barnes and Nobel. I want to let him know how much I appreciate these and share what I think)

Replica by Lauren Oliver (I’ve already started reading this and I hope its a book I finally finish in June)

Crazy House by James Patterson and Me Before You by Jo Jo Moyes (been on my tbr for ages and I should have already read these. May not get to them, but I will definitely try)

Library Book

All the Birds in the Sky by Charlie Jane Anders (Been on my tbr for a long while and since I have this borrowed already I will finish it in June)

Netgalley Books

Jack Kerouac is Dead to Me by Gae Polisner (Already started reading this book and it is by an author I adore. I will definitely finish this book in June.)

It Came From the Sky by Chelsea Sedoti (Ive read both books from this author previously and loved both. I may not get to this in June because all my physical books are ahead in the reading order of my tbr, but if I do it will be a pleasant surprise)

Bookstagram Goals

For Instagram I want to post everyday and join the #bookhitchhickersjune21 challenge by @ books.are.42 on Instagram. All about celebrating pride month!

Writing Goals

Write for an hour daily. When my blog post is finished time left over will be towards my horror novel.

Gaming Goals

New season of fortnite begins and I am so excited! Want to aim for getting next seasons enlightened skins and so I want to play daily.

All in all:

I am so excited for June! There’s so much I want to do and enjoy. Gunna be reading a lot more this month. Feeling a lot more myself these days.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Places to donate to Trans communities:

Trans Equality 

The Trevor Project

Transgender Law Center 

Some BLM resources: 

Link to bail funds to donate to!

Link to petitions to sign! 

Link to a video to watch if you can’t donate!

My friend started Live Streaming so check them out HERE!! 

Check out my Instagram and Twitter

Check out The Book Raven Poetry website

Checkout The Book Raven Poetry Instagramand Twitter!