Can’t Breathe: National Poetry Month


A constriction of air in my head 

A pressure beyond I can contest

An anxiety building out of control

A feeling that is full of undeniable fear 
I pace and rage 

What can I do 

How can I fix

This terrible feel
It burns and hurts restricting my chest 

A fish in water yet can’t breathe none the less

Helplessness and intensity stabs at me 

Ohh how I wish my airways wouldn’t fail me 
Let me breathe 

Clear the path

Calm the storm 

That’s a wrap
Thanks for reading!!! I honestly feel like this way too often. I hope you enjoyed this short poem. 

-Till next time! 

When the WordPress App Glitches Out: A Discussion

WordPress is my favorite place to share my thoughts above all other thoughts platforms. For 5 amazing months WordPress has allowed me to share my voice and create fun content with relative ease and the smallest of glitches. 

However, I was just almost done writing a long awaited tag post when, my app froze and glitched out, deleting the content completely. To which I precided to feel these sets of emotions: 


Tried to bargain for a non-existent way of fixing the problem: 


Depression: 


Acceptance: 


I was and still am sitting on my IKEA chair thinking about what to do. Do I redo the post? Do I do a different one? What should I do next? 

An idea struck!


Then I decided it might be interesting to write this little post, because I wasn’t happy about losing 40 minute of work to do it over again without sharing the sad experience with you all! 

So, I ask of you… has anything like this ever happened using WordPress? Have you ever lost any content or had any issues with the WordPress app? I need to feel some solidarity from this emotional rollercoaster. It was just a whole lot of panicked sadness. 

When you take so much time to work on something just to have it disappear feels awful. As much as I love WordPress this has been such a sad experience. I may be sad, but I will write and post the disappeared post tomorrow. There is a tag to look forward to! I hope you all will enjoy it!

-Till next time!

Dark Abode 


Dark Abode 
A place I visit in my dreams

Dark and frightening as it may be

Haunts me, yet calls to me 

beaconing for me to walk up its desolate path 
A home of the forgotten 

A place for the weak 

Where demons roam freely 

They call to me 
I try to run away 

But the seduction is sweet 

A curiosity that burns

To know more of its ways
I walk deeper In the woods

The path abandoned 

It swallows me whole 

I’m trapped forever 
I run to find an exit 

Till no light can be found 

I curl into a ball to sleep 

On the steps of the dark abode

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed the creepiness of this poem. Something about darkness has always intrigued me and I felt like writing something that encapsulated that connection I feel with darker works. Let me know your thoughts in the comments! Next month is National Poetry Writing Month as well as Camp Nanowrimo and I can’t help but feel like writing a lot more poetry. Even before the month begins. 

-Till next time! 

Forever Ado


Forever Ado

You cause my pain 

A hole in my heart 

I wish to be whisked away 
You put on a mask 

Of kindness and good

Then you stab my gut 

And smile as you do 
You pretend you don’t see

The hurt in my eyes 

My cries for help 

Or the tears that fall 
Your lies are a web 

That suffocates your life

You know what you do 

Then you turn a blind eye 
Why do you patronize me?

Why do you haunt me so?

Why do you laugh in my face?

Why can’t you simply leave me alone?
I wish to be free of the pain 

To be free of you

To live my life 

And be myself 
Let me go!

Let me break from my bonds!

Cut the chains! 

Tear the ropes!
That is all I ever ask 

Is for freedom in this life

Freedom for love 

And freedom to live my life.

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this piece. It’s a bit darker than what you all mostly see from me, but I wrote it a long time ago and felt compelled to do a sort of throw back post.  Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

-Till next time! 

The Suffering Tree by Elle Cosimand : A Review

The Suffering Tree by Elle Cosimano

My Rating: 3.75 out of 5 stars

Publisher: Disney Book Group

Publish Date: June 13, 2017

Received: Netgalley provided an e-arc in exchange for an honest review

Pre-Order: Book Depository

“It’s dark magic brings him back.” 
Tori Burns and her family left D.C. for claustrophobic Chaptico, Maryland, after suddenly inheriting a house under mysterious circumstances. That inheritance puts her at odds with the entire town, especially Jesse Slaughter and his family-it’s their generations-old land the Burns have “stolen.” But none of that seems to matter after Tori witnesses a young man claw his way out of a grave under the gnarled oak in her new backyard. 
Nathaniel Bishop may not understand what brought him back, but it’s clear to Tori that he hates the Slaughters for what they did to him centuries ago. Wary yet drawn to him by a shared sense of loss, she gives him shelter. But in the wake of his arrival comes a string of troubling events-including the disappearance of Jesse Slaughter’s cousin-that seem to point back to Nathaniel. 
As Tori digs for the truth-and slowly begins to fall for Nathaniel-she uncovers something much darker in the tangled branches of the Slaughter family tree. In order to break the curse that binds Nathaniel there and discover the true nature of her inheritance, Tori must unravel the Slaughter family’s oldest and most guarded secrets. But the Slaughters want to keep them buried at any cost.

*TRIGGER WARNING* Graphic description of Self-Harm

Musings: 

Ohh My Gosh This Book is Fantastic!! Diversity alert!!! LGBT representation as well as the heartbreaking representation of self-harm. I love reading a diverse book without knowing it at first, it’s such a pleasant surprise. 

The writing was my favorite part of the whole story and that’s not something I get to say very often. The way Elle describes even the most mundane of things is absolute magic! 

I will give a little taste: 

Her mother’s wedding band was too loose around her finger since her father’s funeral. She fiddled with it absently, scrutinizing Tori. Her ratty smock hung slack around her too. It was splattered and smeared from work, a brightly colored palette that didn’t entirely manage to hide the hopelessness underneath. 

Something about these lines make me want to read them over and over again and I do! I eat it all up and it is glorious. 

On a darker note, this book deals with a very difficult subject that I didn’t realize was going to be a part of the book before I started reading it, cutting and self-harm. Early on in the book when the first instance of cutting occurs I was shocked and surprised, it was grotesquely described and was hard for me to read but I couldn’t look away from the page once the scene began. 

Cutting is a theme that is deeply woven into this text and for so many people that sort of thing is very triggering and although it does not detract from the novel in any way it is well worth noting here. 

Back to the brighter side, I completely and utterly enjoyed every second I lived inside these pages. All the characters were all so real to me, both those in the past and those in present day. 

I loved the twists of this novel, both the expected and the unexpected. There were so many moments to love and I am so happy that a lot of them were living in the past. Nathaniel’s past is so painful and raw, but what I loved most was that he never let those moments change the man he is and it made him become such a likeable character for me. Nathaniel is so loveable and protective and in a way that makes me want to protect him and save him from all that happens to him. 

Tori constantly breaks my heart in this novel. The way she is hurting and the way she deals with it shows a very broken soul, and there is something in me that makes me want to hold my hand out to her and just be there in hopes to ease some of the pain. All I really want for her is to smile and swim and have fun in life, the things that come her way are insane and I commend her for being able to deal with those things and to deal with them so well. 

I also loved the impact her Father had on this story while being dead. Tori’s father was woven so carefully into the pages of this novel and his love felt so strong to me despite his physical absence. Every place in this novel that meantioned Tori’s father either made me want to cry or made me smile or both. 

The magic that drove so much of the plot of this novel was also so intriguing to me, and I’m so sad that I feel like I can’t talk much about it here in fear of ruining the experience of it for yourself and so I will leave it alone by saying it was truly mystifying. 

This book will engage, haunt, and mystify readers with its very soul. This novel can’t help but prick you at your very core. Imagery, sadness, and the chains of slavery mix to create a dark swirl of a novel that tears at your heart, right to the very end. 

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this review. Let me know what you think of The Suffering Tree. This novel is one that you must experience for yourself. Let me know your thoughts in the comments.

-Till next time!



Chaos and Dreams

It was that dream again, the shadows moving across the bay, casted out by the soft glow of the moonlight. It was dark, it was always dark, but somehow the moon made the starless sky look beautiful. Then he would appear. His face shadowed unnaturally even as he would stand in the streetlights buried in the sand. He would waltz across the sand, somehow his shiny black shoes would never sink into it. A large bundle held in his arms. Before I could register what it was he held, I would be transported far away from him. My eyes would strain desperately in the dark. A sick feeling building in my stomach told me that that bundle was very important. I would run my feet sinking into the sand making it harder and harder to continue with each step. 

Till finally, I would reach him. My eyes drawn to the jet black hair and rounded freckled face of one of my closest friends. She dangled drugged and lifeless cradled like a babe tucked safely in his robustness. My heart would sink low to my feet at the sight of it.

“Follow me.” The man’s voice was always curt and strong. I knew that there was nothing to do but obey. 

It would be an instant before we were up the wooden steps of the pier and standing up an above the calm black waters of the ocean. 

“Your friend is dying.” He would say it emotionlessly it was a fact and nothing else.

“Do you wish to save her?” He was standing next to me looking directly at me, yet I could not see his face.

“Of course.” My voice somehow clear and sure despite the cold. She was dying and I could do something about it. Questions and doubts had no place in a moment like this.

“Then bring her back to life.”

In one moment to the next she was falling. The ocean moving harshly now consumed her. In another moment I would be suspended in there, then I too would be gone to the ocean’s depths. 

I wake up to the reflection of bubbles floating to the surface playing in my mind. 

“Honey! Your breakfast is ready!” My mom’s brown locks appear in my doorway. 

“I just woke up, give me a minute!” I push away the covers and sit up my mind trying to recover from the stark change in my reality. 

“What do you want!?” Instead of answering my mom just leaves, I wish she would care more about my attitude. She just takes it, like she takes shit from everyone else. 

All dressed and ready for school I walk down the stairs. “Sweetie, your food is getting cold.” 

“What’d ya make?” 

“Pancakes, eggs, and bacon.” 

“Mama that’s too much! You know we don’t have enough money to waste like that! Just an egg would have been fine.” I’m being a bitch I know, why can’t I just treat her right?

“Come Mija, Eat your food” 

I sat and ate, enjoying it despite myself. She really tries. Why must I always hurt her?
My mom brings me to school as she always has. She tried to kiss me on the cheek like she used to, but I just walk away and don’t turn back. Even this, this petty hurt, is a sign of the arrogance in me. I guess I do take after my father, the bastard. 

Thinking about my father leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I walk straight to my locker and grab my things not even bothering to wave at Celeste a friend from Physics as I pass by her. I’m sucky for doing that when she’s only one of a few people that are at school at this time. I head toward the library. It’s an hour before class starts and I need a place to be alone. I need to clear my head of all this angst. 

I grab a novel off the shelves and find a seat next to the window overlooking the parking lot. I set a timer on my phone for ten minutes before class starts and loose myself to living in a place that is anywhere but here.

As my phone chimes I groan, you always have to leave when a story is getting really good. At least school is usually somewhat enjoyable. I can sit in the back of my classes, earphones in my ears and let all my problems fade away. Music during lessons is always something to look forward to. I’ve never learned anything from a teacher that couldn’t be taught better in literature anyway. 

My first class is Mrs. Phillips an old crone who once was terrifying, but after her husband died of a stroke she faded away, she doesn’t care much about what us kids do anymore. There is no hope left for her. 

In the classroom, I see a friend Leroy with Natasha and Melissa sitting in the back of the room already. Leroy is a nerd, but he’s our nerd and if he wasn’t gay I’m sure one of us would be dating him. All the cute ones are taken or gay (or both), isn’t that the saying? Stupid cliche. 

Mrs. Philips doesn’t lecture, she just writes on the board and waits for us to do what’s on there, or not. I watch her sometimes, maybe I will give her something later, some flowers, or some candy. Would that make up for being a bad person? I don’t think so, but her loneliness makes me sad. 

“Why so forlorn there Adria, you’re even more depressed looking than usual.”

“Look who’s using all these big words all of a sudden! Have you actually been reading something I sent to you?” It is a defensive sarcasm that leaks into my words, but I know Natasha would never take offense to anything I say. 

“Gasp! How dare you!” Natasha looks over at Melissa dramatically, “Can you believe what Adria just said to me… The nerve she has! Why Adria of course I haven’t read any of the books you have sent me. Reading as I have always said… Is completely boring.” 

“Phew, I thought someone maliciously literate had taken control of your body and possessed you. I’m glad you’re still you Natasha, I don’t think I could handle it if you suddenly acted like someone else!”

“That’s enough ladies, Natasha and I have actually been studying for English together and she wanted to throw something….

“That’s enough Leroy!” Natasha reached over and covered his mouth. 

“This boy never knows what he’s saying, does he?” Natasha jabs him in the ribs and I look at Melissa as we all start to laugh. This is the sort of thing that makes me love my friends. 

After class Leroy and I walk together to Ap English. We are talking about stupidities as usual when Marcus a jock I’ve seen around comes barreling down the stairs crashing right into me and I fall back narrowly missing legs and feet as I tumble down. I land with my leg twisted the wrong way and dots forming in front of my eyes. The pain hits all at once, white hot resonating from my leg and radiating across my body in waves. It takes every bit of me not to cry out. 

A crowd forms around me and it takes forever tell I recognize Leroy’s hand on my arm. Before I can say anything he lifts me up into his arms and the crowd parts. Leroy has been talking to me the entire time, but I can’t make out what he is saying. I grab the sleeve of his shirt in my hands and squeeze it with all my might. All I can feel is the consuming pain. Before I can register it fully I am in the nurse’s office and Leroy is setting me down on the bed. 

“Do you want me to take notes for you for week? You look terrible and I doubt I will be seeing you at school anytime soon.” 

That’s when I started laughing and crying all at once. The pain, my mother’s worry, the bill she would have to pay without insurance to cover it all, Mrs. Phillips and her tragedy, and this boy, this amazing friend in front of me is asking me about taking notes for me while I am gone. 

He engulfs me into a warm hug and the tears soak into his fancy shirt from a store I could never afford. “What would I ever do without you?”

“My friend you have it all wrong, it is what would I ever do without you!” Then I really break down and hold him tighter to me. 

“You know, sometimes I really really wish you weren’t gay.” I mean it when I say it, but I also know that Leroy is no ladies man. He is cute, caring, smart, and hopelessly in love with men. I’m being stupid and unfair again and I cry harder. 

Leroy looks down and smiles at me in a heartbreaking kind of way as the nurse shows up to let us know that the ambulance has arrived to take me away. 

“Don’t worry and get better! I’ll drive Natasha and Melissa over to see you after school, you know how crazy they will be when they find out.” 

A paramedic walks in to take me outside. 
“Thank you” I say, “For everything.” 

Leroy’s smile against the chaos of all that has passed is the last thing I think about as the ambulance takes me away. Then my sedated mind gives way to that same tragic dream and I lose myself in suffocating waters once more. 

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this piece. It is a draft of a piece I am writing for my creative writing class that is meant to be a short story. I may be thinking of expanding it to something book length. What do you think? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.

-Till next time!

With You


I feel you surround me 

Blissfully like the wind

I walk my path against you 

As you whisper caressing my skin

Going with you, somehow pushes me away 

Your empty air fills me with emotion 

All your words a comfort yet untruths 

But when I am silent and with you 

Your voice whispers some sweet songs of truth

I close my eyes, I feel you with me

My mind fills with a quiet peace

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this little poem. I’ve been thinking a lot about the wind lately and it inspired me to write this. Let me know your thoughts in the comments. 

-Till next time!

The Burning Bush


There were two lovers I did see 

They were opposites yet the same in the places where they wished to be 

She was in a world filled in smoke

Twirling her cigarette beckoning to the boy whose heart she owned 

She pulled him close kissed him and laughed 

She never smiled unless he was in her path

He was never much for the burning paper 

But he loved her loved her wholly 

He wasn’t bothered by her pervasive vapor

But he never expected that it would burn them

Physically burn them 

Until that fire engulfed the bush in the background next to them

The flame from a match she had used to light her poison 

Dropped with enough ignition to start burning slowly, faintly, quiet motion

It was not enough to be noticed by two lovers sweet embrace 

Yet as they loved she stepped slowly back

The flames then kissed her skin 

branding it a steaming red 

A bite at the lip, a realization of things gone bad 

The boy now feels the heat scorching his arms as he pulls her back

The euphoria is now gone, but pain hasn’t yet set in 

They intertwine once more as they roll desperately across the floor with flaming skin

When the fire subsides they cry keeping together 

Wondering why a moment so beautiful had to turn so sombering almost bitter 

Yet years later, the smoke is gone but what remains 

are the scars branded across their bodies 

And a love that was kindled further by a 

true 

test 

of 

flame 

This poem is in thanks to a conversation I had with a friend, featuring a bush, and how I’m often inspired by things that make no sense. 

Let me know what you think in the comments. Also, if you know of any good poetry books or poets that I should read let me know, I want to read more poetry and all sugestions are welcome. 

-Till next time!  

Tricks by Ellen Hopkins: A Review 

Tricks By Ellen Hopkins
Rating: 4.5/5 stars 

Publisher: Margaret K. McElderry Books

Published: August 25, 2009

Received: Thrift store find

Purchase: Amazon / Barnes and Noble / Book Depository

When all choice is taken from you, life becomes a game of survival. Five teenagers from different parts of the country. Three girls. Two guys. Four straight. One gay. Some rich. Some poor. Some from great families. Some with no one at all. All living their lives as best they can, but all searching . . . for freedom, safety, community, family, love. What they don t expect, though, is all that can happen when those powerful little words, I love you, are said for all the wrong reasons. These are five moving stories that remain separate at first, then weave together to tell a larger, more powerful story a story about making choices, taking leaps of faith, falling down, and growing up. And figuring out what sex and love are all about. TRICKS is informed and inspired by living near Las Vegas a big teen prostitution scene and by the fact that teen prostitution is not exclusively the result of kids running away from abuse. Kids from better families are selling themselves for hefty sums in order to finance addictions or even just to buy jewelry or clothing. In some cases, parents prostitute their children for the same reason. So what happens to the kids who are asking themselves, and asking us, Can I ever feel OK about myself? Highly charged, TRICKS is a gripping experience that turns you on and repels you at the same time.”

Musings: 

This book broke my heart. It took me almost a full week to get through because of how hard-hitting it was. It was almost crushing. 

As with all Ellen Hopkins books it was beautifully written, but for this one in particular I would also say jarringly written. 

Important note (trigger warning for rape, sexual violence, prostitution, drugs, drug abuse, depression, and overall emotional pain) 

The themes in this book were handled in such a way that they are impossible not to think about. Not a single person gets a reprieve from their own harsh realities and it was so easy to feel how broken down everything gets, especially toward the end. 

The only reason this book was not a 5 star read for me was because of how worn down I felt while reading it. Whatever joy there was, was fleeting and almost immediately deviant. Any hope I would wish for would be denied and I came out of it utterly sad. (I definitely need a light happy read after this one) 

If you can handle and appreciate the sadness and the darkness of this topic, I would 100% reccomend this book. It is not easy to read emotionally, but it is an important book no matter how much it has made me sad. 

The characters are very real and you will feel for there lives. Bad choices mixed with circumstance and a lot of loss lead to a whole lot of sin and regrets. Tricks is a book that grabs you for better or for worse. 
Thank you for reading. I kept this review short and sweet. Speaking about the subjects and other details surrounding this book is really hard for me. I’m a bit of an empath (especially in books) so this story kind of sucked the life out of me (not really in a bad way the book is incredible). I hope you enjoyed. 

Have you read this book? What did you think of it? If you haven’t read it have you read any of Ellen Hopkins other books? Let me know your thoughts in the comments. 

-Till next time! 

Under Pressure 


Stress, anxiety, too much popping up 

Got things to do no time to do them

I’m feeling down when I should be feeling up

It’s good to dream 

It’s good to hope

The best things come with time 

But in sharing dreams 

In sharing in possibilities 

Sometimes the heat builds up 

And don’t you know 

That too much pressure 

Causes the best of things to explode? 

The physical pain 

Of being stretched out 

Is killing me 

Shutting me down 

I need to slow 

To let things be 

I need to give time to figure things out

Things are good yet ohh so strange

The wanting is the worst part 

If things just were 

And anxiety left 

This pressure would cease to exist

But it’s here and weighing down 

Making my lungs burn 

I need to take steps 

One after the other 

Maybe after slow release 

I can rest 

With a new year comes new pressures and it’s easy to let things pile up. It’s easy to feel down even when your doing well, especially when there’s that one extra thing you could strive for. That one relentless want. It’s hard to be calm in a society that is constantly go go go, but we all need some time to breathe. We all need time to let our minds heal. Thank you for reading, let me know your thoughts in the comments below! 

Till next time!